ONE HOT MAMA

Friday, January 20, 2006

It's not WHAT you say but HOW you say it.

I have come to this conclusion earlier today. Before Matt went to bed we had a bit of a tiff. Not really a fight but a tiff. We were talking about his dad's birthday. It's tomorrow and I had gotten him a card a few days ago. See this man I can not handle him. I hate him! He treats his son's like total crap and not to mention his wife ( my MIL) he treats her worst than crap in my opinion. So anyway I got him a card and I asked matt if he mailed it today. He said not that we HAD to get this asshat a gift before we could mail it. That his dad would be MAD if we didn't. Well this of course set me off. I said NO WAY we are SOOOOO NOT getting him a gift after the way they have been acting lately ( LONG STORY will cover later).
Matt said HAD to and like it or not that was how it HAD to be. We fussed back and forth at each other for a bit about each of our view on this issue. We still do not see it in the same light but it is not that big of a deal. If he wants to get the jack off a gift then so be it. It think it is wrong to make people feel like they HAVE too and that a card is not enough with out a gift but hey whatever.

SO after I put the kids down for a nap and went out to the store to get my Med's and some things we needed I was thinking. What bothers me so much about this gift thing is this. This man has treated my husband like SHIT from the day he was born. He still treats him like shit and I hate to think he has control of any type over him. I hate that Matt feels like sending a card to his dad is not enough. Shouldn't it be? I mean when I put myself in the parents shoes. I would not expect my kids to get me a darn thing and a card would be more than enough. The fact they took time to remember me in their busy adults lives would mean so much to me I would not EXPECT any more than that. Ok so did I handle the problem in the way I could have to make him see where I was coming from? NO! Why?? Well because I ran on pure emotion as I am so likely to do. I get my undies all in a bunch way faster than my brain has time to process what I am feeling. I just knew I didn't agree with what Matt was saying and wanted to be "right". When the fact of the gift was not even the real issue to me. It was the underlying stuff with it that had me bothered. I am working on my temper. I need to cool off before I open my mouth. This is SO HARD for me. I run my mouth and then stuff comes out that I would have never said had I gave my self time to just think things thru. The flip side of this is Matt needs to know I need time to think and let me have it. He likes to push me and push me to say things instead of giving me space to work it out and then talk to me about it later. Some thing we both need to work on I think.

~Sidebar for Matt~
So honey if ya wanna get the jerk a gift card before sending him a card and it means something to you to do it then by all means do it. But please don't do it because you feel like he demands it be so. This is not right and you need to stand for what you think is right. Either way I am behind what you decide to do. I love ya baby doll and I am sorry I wasn't able to talk about this to you like a mature adult. I am a work in progress just like you and together we will make it. I love you honey!
~End sidebar for Matt~

Posted by ONE HOT MAMA :: 12:39 PM :: 3 Comments: